MMG4: Normal Grief

MMG4 Types of Grief: Normal Grief

When exploring normal grief many take it from their own perspective, when in all actuality, it’s about asking does the person’s reaction make sense with their context…. We live in a quick fix it type of world and unfortunately, that many times carries over into grief. Grief isn’t something to be fixed, it’s something to experience. Its not right or wrong, it just is. It’s a natural experience after loss.

That’s an excerpter from the show. Today, we’ll  be discussing Normal Grief, and, here’s the intro.

Intro

I’m glad you chose to join me for this discussion on Normal Grief. 

Did you know that there are 15 types of grief? 

Death alone is challenging to grieve, but there are other losses that occur after losing companionship, such as changes in family roles, financial changes, and loss of dreams of what could be. Keep in mind that the type of grief we’ll be discussing isn’t “good” or “bad,” it’s a mere way for you to identify what you are experiencing. When you understand what you are experiencing, it can be used as a grounding place and it can bring normalcy to the experience, which in itself is gratifying and beneficial. 

Normal Grief  is defined as the ability to move towards acceptance of loss. The initially intensity of emotions such as pain, sadness, loneliness, anger, guilt, and yearning  gradually decreases. People who experience normal grief are able to function in their daily activities such as maintaining healthy eating habits, taking showers, meeting work goals, taking care of family, paying bills, and other life responsibilities. 

While preparing for the show I came across an insightful question regarding normal and abnormal grief. The questions comes from Whatsyourgrief.com. 

Which of the following grief related behaviors is abnormal?

A.  A father who visits his son’s grave every morning
 B. A widower who continues to wear his wedding ring 5 years after his wife’s death
 C. A woman who refuses to part with her deceased mother’s belongings
 D. A  woman who avoids the restaurant where she met her deceased husband
 E. A man who experiences intensely emotional days two years after his daughter’s death
 F.  None of the above – you have no idea what’s normal for anyone else in their grief.

If you guessed (F), congratulations you get 100%

This particular article goes on to explain that humans naturally categorize things, resulting in us trying to place things in a nice and neat box. When something doesn’t fit into the box we created, we consider that behavior or situation to be abnormal. Grief isn’t simple enough to put into a box, now combine that complexity with each human being’s uniqueness in perspective, experiences, personality, genetics, and culture. 

Lets look at an example to try to understand how complex grief can be. Chris is a 22 yo who’s mother died a couple months before he graduated from college. Graduation comes and he was able to have 2 weeks between graduation and his first day of work at his new job. He decided to go home where his father and younger brother still live. When he walks into the house for the first time, he sees a picture that his mother and him took the night of his Senior Prom. Chris feels intense distress has thoughts that he can’t survive without her and breaks down and cries. The 2 weeks go by quickly. As he leaves the house to start his adult life, he sees the picture again. This time, he feels a closeness to his mother, has thoughts that she will always be with him and sheds a few tears. The object didn’t change. Chris had the similar outward reactions of tearfulness. The thing that changes was his internal reaction, grief, his thoughts and emotions. Even in normal grief, things can be unpredictable at times because “your relationship with certain thoughts, objects