Types of Grief: Delayed Grief
Intro
I’m glad you chose to join me for this discussion on Delayed Grief.
As we discuss delayed grief, keep in mind that it’s not “good” or “bad,” it’s a mere way for you to identify what you are experiencing. When you understand what you are experiencing, it can be used as a grounding place and it can bring normalcy to the experience, which in itself is gratifying and beneficial.
What is delayed grief? Well, the name pretty much gives it away. Delayed Grief is when someone experiences grief and mourning at a later time or it’s resurfaced. Grief being the inward reaction and mourning being the outward manifestation. To learn more about the difference between grief and mourning click on the Defining Grief, Mourning, and Bereavement Show.
Back to delayed grief. There are several reasons why delayed grief occurs. Before we get into the list, it’s important to recognize that when delayed grief does present itself, it can be challenging to identify the real reason or what some say, the root cause.
To get a better understanding, let’s take a look at Samantha. Samantha is a 35 year old Mother of 2. Her husband, who was active duty in the military, died 5 years ago while in combat. At the time of his death, she was 30 and their children were 1 and 3. As a stay at home mom, Samantha continued her consistent care of her 2 children. Recently, her youngest, who is now 6, started school, resulting in Samantha being alone for several hours a day. A few months into the school year, she began to randomly burst into tears. She’s having dreams about her husband and noticing that she’s merely going through the motions of daily activities. It’s a struggle for her to be enthusiastic with her children when they reported doing something great at school. There are even days, when it’s a struggle to be motivated to get out of bed. Samantha chats with a few close friends to try to understand this sudden change. Most tell her it’s because her youngest is off to school and they encourage her to get a part time job. Samantha considers their reasoning for the sudden change and takes their advice. Several weeks into working at her new part time job, she bursts into tear, resulting I her supervisor sending her home. She’s distraught because she doesn’t understand where these symptoms are coming from. She desires to talk with a Mental Health Therapist who sheds light on the possibility that because Samantha didn’t grieve her husband’s death, she is now mourning.
Samantha’s husband died 5 years ago and she showed no symptoms of grieving. Does it make sense why it was a challenge for her to identify his death as the root cause of her current mourning?
There are different reasons people experience delayed grief. There’s an article called Delayed Grief: When Grief Gets Worse on Griefincommon.com where they share 5 reasons why delayed grief occurs.
The first one mentioned is losing a spouse and having children to still care for. A great example of that is what Samantha is experiencing.
The second is losing a parent, immediately followed by the care of the remaining parent. It’s a challenge for some to mourn a parent’s death when they have not only their own responsibilities in life, and are now responsible of taking care of the remaining parent. Taking care of the remaining parent can entail health conditions, supporting them financially, spending time with that parent so they don’t feel as lonely, and supporting them emotionally if the remain parent experiences intense mourning.
The third one listed is loss of a loved on in the midst of or immediately followed by your own health concerns. Sometimes back to back tragedy and life challenges can hinder one to have mental capacity and emotional space to process a loss, resulting in the grief being delayed.
The fourth is loss of a loved one at a time whe